bitterdiva

Shattered pieces

Today was one of the more rougher days that I've encountered in a long time. I woke up this morning enjoying the fact that in one week I'll be on vacation, then immediately realizing that same day would have been our two-year wedding anniversary.

It all went downhill after there. I haven't been able to sleep well. I haven't been feeling healthy in two months. I feel as if I've been wandering around like a zombie. I've been short and curt with people. I've wanted to be left alone. I've been drinking. a lot.

I broke down to my doctor during my follow up on my medication. She poked and prodded me about the divorce, asking questions that all medical professionals ask - does he abuse you, does he hit you, blah blah blah.

It's a life altering event and she says that I'll come through it stronger and better for it. It's a learning experience, women learn things out of situations. I hopefully will learn to take better care of myself, not to settle on something that I don't agree with, to stop playing the role of the martyr.

But it's difficult. I feel like I am a dented can. It may look okay to nibble on, but what's the chance that poison has set in and will kill the imbibers? Damaged goods. Divorced at 31. Will I ever find happiness again, will anyone want to marry me? Will I ever have a child? These questions plague my mind and yet if you ask me how I'm doing, I'll seem like the Rock of Gibraltar. If I keep telling myself I'm fine, perhaps I'll believe it.

09:34 PM

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