bitterdiva

Metamorphosis

In an effort to help me restart anew, my sister forwarded me a DailyOm she received about the tendency of an individual to return to old habits.

It was a reminder that although change is difficult, our bodies, hearts and minds will adapt to the new patterns we seek to undertake. We must be patient and forgive ourselves when we backtrack or regress to usual habits. Eventually with enough practice, the new methodology becomes common place superseding the old ways we've released.

One of my habits is that I can fall become infatuated with people easily. I guess one could say that I am a relationship addict. I am also an addict for tortured souls. I consistently seek out individuals that I think can be helped by myself, perhaps as a means of taking the spotlight away from my issues and problems. If I help others, it means that I'm bettering the world and what do I care if that means that my needs are neglected?

My old habit of selfless martyrdom must be transmogrified into selfish rehabilitation.

No prayers | 11:29 PM

Refresh

Separation of the souls combined, I alone need to remember the strength within. I falter, I weaken, I desire warmth beside my body. The strength of the sun weakens upon the land, the leaves fall back to recessive coloring.

I restrain, but still compulsion drives me. Refresh, refresh, refreshing my compulsion as if I were to will you to step out from the silence. The silence that has built me back up, made me sure of who I am again.

I smile, I speak to strangers. I relent to the awkwardness of conversations around me. Pointing out yet again, gregariousness inside. Easing back into socialism, easing back into extroverted tendencies.

Reclusion nearly terminated, springing forth from closed opportunities. Dancing, drawing, creating sprung forth from within. Shining light upon blackness, tunneling through the void.

Wild abandon.

1 prayer | 05:02 PM