bitterdiva

Poor Mofo

The other half turns 30 this year and I would love to do something special for him - whether that's going away for a weekend, having a stripper for a night, or being able to afford that digital SLR he's so been wanting. But alas, I'm a broke mofo, or I will be when the big day arrives. All my money that doesn't go to rent, the car, bills, beer, or food, goes to paying this semester's tuition.

I feel like I'm in the The Rocking Horse Winner no matter how much money I earn it's still never enough. Granted, I would have been fine if we didn't have to buy the new car. Growing up is difficult.

I currently have a job, to which I am very thankful for, but I have loans from a college that I'll never graduate from and no degree, in a job that might have paid me more if it was the private sector. I'm scared of change, I'm scared of being fired, I'm scared that in ten years I'm going to be sitting in the same position as I am now.

My love deserves a great birthday this year, no reminders of three years ago; a parental unit stress-free day; no OG waitstaff singing - just a celebration of the birth of one of the most important people in my life. He makes life more colorful with his crazy diatribes about the illuminati, the guy two doors down getting a BJ on the porch, and his art of photography.

2 prayers | 11:53 AM

The dunny is mocking me

It's the summer and I'm ill. One of the worst things in the world is to be sick in the summer, but thankfully, it hasn't been too hot. It could be exhaustion from the dirty hippy weekend, but I'm sick as a dog. I haven't been able to sleep longer than three hours at a stretch. Nothing's working for me. I have tomorrow afternoon and friday off and it looks like I'm going to be spending my long weekend in the sick house.

I went this morning for more bloodwork, testing me for Hep A,B, & C. It's extremely scary if you start to think of the probabilty. What if I do have Hep, have I infected anyone, was I infected by someone else, am I going to die? I'm a neurotic person to begin with, but compounding unknown illness with neurosis is like combining angel dust and deuling pistols.

I'm sitting at my desk with all my toys talking to me, hallucinating, and sneezing. I should have, would have taken today off but felt guilty with the vacation days I'm going to be taking. Right now, I'm dreaming of crawling under the pile of clothes on my bed, pulling the covers over me and watching Harry Potter.

1 prayer | 09:27 AM

These things occur in threes

Kris and I were talking last week after Ray Charles' death who was going to be the third in the series of important people's deaths. Apparently it was Ray Charles. I was reading Neil Gaiman's site when he mentioned the death of Robert Quine. It was first Robert Quine, then Ronald Reagan, and then Ray Charles. Three important people, all with the first name of "R" - kind of creepy isn't it?

2 prayers | 02:42 PM

Pick up that phone and call...

Update: after the third call to the dr's office, I find out the dilly-o. My liver enzymes were elevated so I need to return to get that checked out. The nurse asked me if I drank alcoholic beverages a lot. Um, no.

My total cholesterol is 164, my sugar is great, no remark on the thyroid; but she said that everything looked fine with the only exception of the liver enzymes.

I would rather have me to do more bloodwork for thyroid, there was a faint glimmer of hope of the reason why.

Yesterday, during the making of Sloppy Joe dinner, before geocaching with Kelly and Tracy, I checked my messages. Two messages. The first one was the doctor's office, calling about my lab results and further testing and to give them a call. I called them, office hours were 8 am - 5 pm. The time was currently 5:45 pm. I don't necessarily mind not being able to get the lab results, but they should have left it at lab results... saving the further testing part for when I call back.

Thankfully, geocaching got my mind off of the "further testing". It was an awesome adventure, I saw four froggies, held one in my hand and have a picture of it too. But the camera was acting wonky in the low light. I would love to go back again and take more pictures. Went to have ice cream at Frank's where they had a creamsicle soft-serve - out of the world.

This morning, upon my arrival at work, after fixing my coffee... I call the dr's office. Left a message with some woman, an operator I assume, for a call back. Went into meeting that I thought was going to be worse but turned out alright. Two hours later, I call back the dr's office because I'm a nervous person and am worrying myself into digestive distress. Made an appointment for next Wednesday at 8:15 for "further testing" and asked that a nurse call me back to tell me what's up.

I swear they only call at the most inopportune times, leaving you dangling and wondering etc. At least my other doctor sent me a letter in the mail saying everything's okay or this isn't okay.

4 prayers | 10:50 AM

Battle on the school ground yard

When I was younger, (a young and impressionable 16), I had a card reading. The psychic said I was going to be a teacher, yah no. Perhaps she saw that I was going to be a professional student or work in the educational industry. Close but not a teacher.

After going to high school at what Kris refers to as Baby Momma High, cleaning brains off of walls was a better profession than teaching brains inside school walls. Though, in today’s world, one would have to worry about having to clean the brains you teach off the walls inside the schools. Upstate New York is quite different from metro Connecticut, an incident of a school shooting is displayed on covers of newspapers, journals, teacher’s unions newsletters, and on each of the local news in the cap region. It does make the news in metro CT, but the number of occurrences was greater than one incident.

In 1995 when I graduated from Baby Momma High, there was talk of installing metal detectors over the summer to combat the weapons in school problem. In my city, there were six public high schools, four of those where magnet schools, two were the general main schools. The two main high schools were the issue schools, the melting pot of the city that congregated each day to be molded and shaped into well-learned individuals. It was a breeding ground for violence, among the students, and among the rival high school. These two high schools had metal detectors. My high school had tortured souls, but they were more of the artistic nature.

There were incidents of students carrying guns, carrying knives, but for me the naïve student, I never noticed; I was of the believe “out of sight, out of mind.” My friends on the other hand were my informants and afterwards when I speak with them and reminisce I find out that one of the people that I knew did in fact carry something on their person. I was involved in action groups that informed the community of the evils of sexual harassment and of weapons in schools, which had the added benefit of breaking me loose of Baby Momma High for the afternoon.

Even though I am older and have lived in the area for almost ten years, I still retain the nonplused reaction to violence in the schools. But as information on the psychological background of these tortured individuals reveals to all the shocked residents of the community, the problem in suburbia and the country is bullying. The problem in the cities is financial and drug-related, and perhaps even includes bullying. Co-existing in a hostile environment every day for eight hours poisons a person into seeking an end to the “means” but the means does not justify the end. It’s a dilemma with no distinct resolution, but with effort on the part of administrators, teachers, and parents, the occurrences can be lowered.

1 prayer | 11:01 AM

I'm down on my knees

Bonk returns with an amusing anecdote from her second showing of Prisoner of Azkaban. After the movie, walking down the stairs, I miss a step and fall on my knees. No broken bones thankfully, just bruised shinbones. I've spent the majority of the weekend watching movies or playing the sims trying to take it easy.

The movie is excellent, I'll probably go see it three more times: drive-in, IMAX, and in the normal theatre again. There was lots of hot Snape action and Cuaron did an excellent job directing and making a dark movie pretty.

1 prayer | 07:00 PM

Tomorrow, I shop

I have a saying that Tuesday that masquerades as a Monday are the worst days that can occur. Fortunately, they only occur a couple times each year, but they also begin and end the summertime. I endured only three days this week, each day being worse than the day before – if the trend were to continue, I believe someone would be murdered tomorrow. Therefore, I am taking the day off and doing some therapeutic shopping.

I read somewhere about someone’s indecision on retaining their last name or accepting their husband’s last name when they marry. It’s a different time and age from when my parents were married, 35 years ago, and feminism has come a long way. I’m almost 27, frightening to me as that thought is, and I’ve been who I am for all these years. I haven’t been published, I haven’t been in a multi-million dollar blockbuster movie, and I haven’t invented a drug that would solve the world’s problems. However, I’ve written several papers, designed several websites, and have a child (my cat) with my last name.

There’s also a sense of pride for me, it’s a unique last name, if only in America. In Ukraine and Russia it’s almost as common as Jones and Smith. I enjoy my last name, I’m proud of my last name, and want it to remain alive. Should I marry, which isn’t to say that I don’t have someone that I want to marry, my last name will remain after the congratulations are just whispers in the wind.

The issues I have with marriage is that I will be the first in my family to marry, which brings with it expectations by my mother. I am afraid that I would cave in to her wishes and mandates rather than explaining and carrying out the intricacies of the plans that my significant other and I have. I also hate attention. I don’t like being the focus of anyone’s attention, especially people that I haven’t seen or had contact with in ages.

Eh, there was something else I was going to expound on, but I should get back to cleaning up my desk before a meeting.

1 prayer | 02:15 PM

Quasi Memorial Weekend

The only thing memorial about the holiday weekend is going to my first drive-in with Tracy and Kelly - and of course spending time with them. I wasn't in Ireland, wasn't in Boston (which is where the fun was from what I've heard), nor wasn't home with my family.

The weekend started out most excellent, Kris and I had dinner at the Pump Station where they put up their cask IPA, which was better than I would have imagined it. Afterwards, the two of us met up with Mer and Tracy at Mahar's for some good conversation, and creepy dude hitting on all the ladies.

After that, the only great thing of the weekend was my first drive-in, watching Troy and Van Helsing. The bargain of the weekend is my $3 Hello Kitty umbrella I bought at Hot Topic.

With that said, I really hate. I hate annoying people that pour me a cup of coffee with the dregs of the pot, I hate children that scream in the grocery store. I hate the smell of fish. I hate people that don't know when to shutup. I hate people that get out of working. I hate being broke. I hate landlords that cash the rent check a month later and who never fix the potential fire hazard stove. I hate headaches.

2 prayers | 08:48 AM