bitterdiva

Replacement parts needed

There are moments when I wake up in the morning and desire to have a chip implanted in my brain that severs ties to the past. All those randoms who have made some rather small appearance in the production of my life, should just have been an uncredited cameo. It only fuels the fire, the drive of the angsty bitterdiva.

Yet I am drawn to the trainwrecks of my past like a moth to flame. Constantly searching out those that abandoned me or that I have abandoned because at that moment of derailing they left some profound mark inside me. It'll take me seven years to rid myself of the past. Old cells die and new ones are created. The ones that are attached to the past will eventually die and be expelled from my body just like fecal matter was once masticated animal and plant life.

I am sickened by displays of public affection. The mere words people string together to form dewy-eyed ramblings of one's affection for another are nausiating to the point where the pungent taste of bile remains in my mouth. Fools. Once the infatuation stage of the relationship transmogrifies into the mature relationship all of that mushiness is superfluous. If it lasts beyond that stage.

I have experienced personality rearrangements over the course of relationships, be it mine or theirs, or a friend's. There have been occassions where my personality was not of me, but rather some pathetic creature that was manipulative and required attention. I killed her. Once my true self grabbed a hold of reality it could no longer imbibe in the lie that was currently walking around imitating the individual I was. I am now who I want to be, personality wise. I do not need to hide my affection for distasteful poop humour, my love of harnassing bitterness from simple situations and my love for the quirkiness.

I am weird. I am bitter. I am a freak. I am a diva. I am not, however, your average, vapid, submissive girl. And fuck you too, bitch.

10:44 AM

Comments

Posted by: Kristian at March 1, 2003 11:49 AM

Posted by: xtine at March 2, 2003 07:00 AM

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