bitterdiva

Greetings and Salutations:

Great, you reproduced, here’s a $2.99 card in honor of your event expressing some feeling from me to you to give the impression that I truly care and love you.

I am not a goddess of words that praise and flow and bring tears to eyes of those with whom I am not familiar. Getting me to write a card for a cousin who just recently had a baby is more painful than the root canal I had done last year. Why are we forced to go out and buy chopped down trees that have been decorated with words and mail them to our relatives and friends? They know we know they had a baby, haven’t they already reaped the rewards for having coital relations?

There’s a baby shower for us to shower them with gifts for their new bundle of joy. Then there’s some form of religious ceremony, in my case a Christening, that brings forth more presents. There’s birthdays and holidays and other events for us to think of them and to buy them cute little booties and Legos and
Star Wars merchandise.

Not thinking of a single thing and throwing out all ideas I resort to calling my sister, the one that I would often beg to write my school entrance essays and my valedictorian speech. She’s the mastermind behind all the words, she has a better grasp of the English language, and she cares.

After expressing my own dislike for the situation my mother put me in (after all she’s the one that mailed me this card that I feel has no bearance on my position of not being a parent and not knowing what a child’s touch is like) she calls me Oscar (as in the Grouch) and proceeds to say she is going to have to work on me. I guess I am a lot like my father and brother in that aspect or maybe it’s just that I am way too intellectual to allow some stupid event to cloud my judgment of sending a congratulations card.

My position on breeding: stop doing it people! I don’t believe that we should be rejoicing the reproduction of humans. There’s too many people inhibiting this planet and we all could do with not allowing some of us to procreate. Though I will say that I would rather have my cousin and his wife to have a child than some illiterate toothless crack-whore down at the port.

03:52 PM

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