bitterdiva

New from Mofo Toys™

As I was sitting in my chair, now unable to move about freely because of one of those pads they lay down to enable more fluid movement has in fact disabled movement, I began thinking of a new area that I haven’t delved into before. If I were an action figure what would be my accessories? And I’m talking action figure, not some flexible plastic bitch that has bad make-up and gaudy baubles for the buyer to use. I turn to look at my desk. Emperor Palpatine has his cane and Professor Snape has his potion bottles. Leia and Boba Fett both have guns. Samwise has a sword, frying pan, spoon and some Orks at the door set. Even Ash has a tiny version of himself and his boomstick along with his chainsaw adapted hand.

The bitterdiva is equipped with her staff of smite and an AK-47. Clad in black PVC clothing including knee-high PVC boots and a trench coat she’d also be accompanied with a rainbow pack of Sharpies and chocolate. Complete with a bathtub crack lab, she’s one bitch you better not irritate unless you want to unleash the beast. Brought to you by PlanetMofo Toys™.

There have been many faces of me over the years, many accessories that would be packaged in my action figure box. Everyday these change. I’ll probably replace a couple of these tomorrow or add some like my faithful companion poopoos, my kitty who always needs to be around me and chooses my boyfriends wisely. I could even create a whole series of figures, my allies and my axis. I believe the axis figures would outnumber my allies greatly, those bloody dolts that have crossed the line and now seek refuge from my bitterness.

I believe that cov from Bloghit.com would come packaged wearing jeans and a tie-dye. Among his list of accessories would be a tin-foil hat, antique yardstick, and plush panda bear. His set would be in the underground missile silo where he keeps his Holy Nuclear War missiles. In true covzilla fashion they would be aimed directly at Quebec and France.

As an update to the first sentence, I have deviantly moved my $50 hard plastic protective carpet covering which disabled my movement in my fun wheelie-chair. I don't know if the organization is trying to save the carpeting or to appease some peon whose chair didn't move easily enough for them. I would have appreciated if someone asked me if I would prefer a mat before purchasing 70 of them and just flopping them down on the ground. Talk about a waste of money. I don't have a contract but they have superfluous money in the budget to expend on floor mats.

02:46 PM

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Posted by: zazen at April 17, 2002 03:43 PM

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