bitterdiva

January 16th, 2002

Today one of my friends was talking to me about his upcoming marriage ceremony. Him and his soon to be wife have set the date, booked the hall and the church. I know understand why my sister freaks out every time that she hears one of her friends is getting married.

I often kid myself saying that I will never marry or settle down with a person. The truth is, I often feel insecure about the whole topic of marriage and of relationships. When I was younger, people would sardonically talk to me about my single status. Eventually it was ingrained that I was always to remain alone, single, and to never to know the touch of a man. The all girl catholic schooling didn’t help that fact much either.

One thing I’ve noticed about the male population is that they are idiots when of teenage years. Some become less idiotic as they age; some remain steadfast in that idiot status. Maturity is key to relationships, to longevity, to life. If a person is merely concerned with the superficial appearance of their significant other, they damn well better take out an insurance policy on her looks. Time does harsh things to a woman’s body, especially if childbirth is involved.

I have seen many relationships come and go, be it relatives, friends, or even my own. One thing is certain though, one philosophy stands strong in my mind: Don’t be surprised when divorce rears its head when you base your relationship merely upon physical characteristics. Trophy wives and trophy husbands are not going to survive, unless you have more of a profound in-depth relationship. Looks come and go, but what remains true is pure love.

Last night I watched a biography about the life of Mark Twain. Now, I’m not really interested in literary figures, luckily my roommates are, but I learned something about him that I never would have known if it weren’t for the show and that is Twain’s love for his wife. Twain had a deep inexplicable devotion to his wife. He was crushed when she passed. In the program they had mentioned that when she was ill he would go outside the window to her room and attach notes to the birds to a tree telling them not to sing too loudly in fears of disturbing his wife’s much needed rest. He would write her notes ant attach them to the door of her room with statements of adoration and love. I was moved.

And as I sit here thinking of Twain, of my friends, I cannot help but think that I might actually wander this rock alone. People talk about karmic retribution, that for all the bad shit that you’ve done, bad shit will happen to you. The same goes for relationships, for all the bad shit that you put a person through, it will return to you. If you were a Pagan, it would return back to you thrice.

I hope all you assholes enjoy the pain that will soon be inflicted upon your soul.

11:26 AM

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