bitterdiva

Mobile blogging

Ever since I got Internet on my phone, I never once tried to access my blog. Now I have and it turns out that I can. My dillema is now do I stay true to my belief of being more intellectual and in-depth or short and frequent?

No prayers | 06:49 AM

Look into the future

On Halloween, I visited a psychic hoping for some insight into the future. Psychics can be so hit or miss sometimes, especially if you're at a fair and they tell you, go with one that you feel a connection to. Well, I chose a woman that when I was pulling into the parking lot, I practically ran her over. I would call that a connection or coincidence.

She told me a bunch of things:

My grandmother is around me.
I will never bear children.
I am a highly sensitive person.
I need to focus on myself and no one else.
I need to stop getting involved in married men.
There's a guy who's a chef/worked in a restaurant that I will get into a relationship with but that won't happen in the immediate future, I need to give it time.
I will have issues with my blood pressure.
I should find a new job and a new profession.
She told me that I should be a social worker, teacher or other sort of caregiver.

A lot had to deal with my husband. At the end of the session I had let down my guard and started to cry. The tears just fell from my eyes.

Tonight, I had my husband do a reading for me. Again, it wasn't very informative but a look in the future. It'll be alright, I just have to keep myself in check.

The overall theme of my life.

I easily get carried away, delusions of grandeur. It's good to fantasize but when that fantasy crosses the line of obsession it is no longer healthy. Sometimes I stumble, but it is mere stumbling, not a broken leg that prevents me from getting right back up and carrying on.

I'm hanging a sign on my heart: No Vacancy.

The inn needs some renovations.

No prayers | 09:57 PM

Might as well face it, I'm addicted to love

Hello my name is bitterdiva and I am an infatuation addict.

I am also a magnet for the unattainable.

And, I fall very easily for them.

When I was younger, I just resigned myself to the fact that I have a lot of people that I just crush on. Then I met my husband, the first night we met I pretty much knew it was meant to be. Ten years later, we're finally walking our separate paths.

Now that I'm older, wiser, and significantly hotter, I'm back where I started from. Exploring the world of the opposite sex, trying to figure out what works for me, what doesn't. What I think works for me obviously doesn't but I continuously fall back into the familiar pattern of falling for the unattainable.

First it was Georgia boy. God I actually think I loved him. I learned a lot about my self during the four or five months of interaction we had. I also learned a lot about my own sexuality. I learned that I'm definitely submissive sexually as opposed to my waking life where I am the dominant, pant-wearing bitch that I am.

Secretly, I find myself softer, more desiring of curling up in the arms of my partner. This is different in my waking life because I try to present myself as cold-hearted and strong. A facade that only those very close to me know as being just that.

I am a sincere person searching for that one that will brighten the darkest days, warm the coldest one, and hold me tight when tears shed from my eyes. Lately, I could fill a lake with the amount have fallen unto my bosom.

Now I'm missing someone else, bound to my word. Giving him space to think about the trials and the pu pu platter life just handed to him. It's difficult for me to not be there for someone when I feel they need it the most. For me, I cannot fathom not having a confidant to communicate fears and sorrows to and receive advice in order to make everything better.

I need to be strong, evolve, forget, move on. I need to stop falling victim to my heart.

2 prayers | 11:14 PM